


I've been broken but I'm better everyday

by samilovescp



Category: Mariana's Trench - Fandom
Genre: M/M, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-25
Updated: 2016-01-25
Packaged: 2018-05-16 05:56:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5816740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/samilovescp/pseuds/samilovescp
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a show, Josh gets an unsettling text from his sister ending his fantastic night</p>
            </blockquote>





	I've been broken but I'm better everyday

The lights dimmed as Mariana's Trench ended their set and thanked the crowd for coming. Drenched in sweat, the men traveled back to the hotel they were residing in for the next couple of days. Matt and Mike shared a room which left the room next door for Ian and Josh. 

Ian looked at Josh with a mischievous glint in his eye and smirked.   
"Whoever gets to the room first gets first in the shower." The curly haired figure runs to the elevator and pushes the button to go up.   
"Shit!" Josh exclaims heading for the stair case to climb the four floors. The man's legs are quite long so its easier for him to reach the designated floor. 

Their room was on the opposite side of the staircase door. He had beat the elevator and casually walked down the hallway. The elevator doors opened and thats when Josh fucking bolted, Ian not too far behind him. The tall, sweaty men raced back to the hotel room.  
"Not today Ramsay!" the curly haired man shouted pouncing onto his back. The added weight took Josh off guard causing the lanky man to fall flat on his face. Ian crawled to the room, and sped into the bathroom locking the door behind him before Josh even had a chance.

"Fuck you Casselman" was all the blonde said, bitter about his loss. 

While Ian was in the shower, Josh checked on the messages he missed while performing. He grabbed his phone out of his bag, quickly skimming the messages, not finding much to spark his interest. He was replying to a work email when he got the text from his sister, "Call dad when you get the chance please. It's about mom."

He knew mom was sick but she was getting better. She had to be. Last time he saw her she was fine. What's happened? The singer's head raced with all the possible what ifs. 

He sat on the bed tapping his fingers rapidly on his knee, which was also bouncing at a fast rhythm. Lewy's body dementia is a fucked up disease, anything could have fucked up. Which is the last thing Josh wants to think about.... especially with his boyfriend not even feet away. He couldn't call his dad. He didn't want to deal with this now, his mother's health was something always on his mind and now knowing something may be wrong was the cherry on top of the fucking shitty cake. He called his dad, no answer. God dammit. 

The worries threatened to take over. His hands wouldn't stop shaking, why won't his hands stop shaking? He scraped at his arms to make sure he could actually feel, if this was all actually real. He hoped it could calm him down Unfortunately, the nervous energy didn't subside, nor did the anxious thoughts. He took in a shaky breath, the expanding of his lungs pained him. Ian was still in the shower. Was he? 

 

Josh didnt have time to ponder on the thought before the shaking took over his entire body, and his heart began racing faster than any amount of caffeine could do. "Stop, stop, stop it!" he quietly screamed to himself, hopefully his boyfriend couldn't hear. His hands moved to his hair and grasped so tight he could have pulled the strands out.. It was just something to hold onto. Something to remind him that he is alive and breathing, not breathing very well but still breathing. The skin on his body felt like a thousand needle points were poking at him all over 

"I CAN'T FUCKING DO THIS!" sobs escaped from him, ugly, loud sobs that he couldn't hide this time around.

Ian heard Josh while he was getting dressed. In the short time they were together he hadn't ever heard a cry like that before. He assumed he should just leave him a lone until he heard him screaming out. The drummer pulled on some pants and rushed out of the bathroom and sat on the bed next to to the tall singer. 

"Oh my god baby no no baby what happened?" Josh was full on hyperventilating now.   
"Okay, um, shit... fuck." Ian unsure of what to do grabbed the singers hand with both of his. He decided on rubbing his back too which seemed to help slow his breathing down to a normal rate. Josh looked up at him with red shot eyes.

"Hey horse face. Stop acting like such a drama queen." Ian said trying to alleviate the tension, but from the look on his boyfriend's face... it did not work.

"Fuck you at least I don't constantly look like I stuck my face on a dirty grill asshole." the older man knew he shouldn't have said that. He knew Ian was only joking but he was too irritable to care. 

Ian put up his hands in surrender. "Alright Joshie! Is there anything I can do for you? Can I get you something to drink?" 

Josh nodded knowing Ian would get him a coke zero, his favorite. The grill patched man hands him a drink and sits next to his boyfriend. 

Josh's head felt as if he was stuffed with cotton, he felt numb. Ian brought him back to reality with his voice.  
"Now I know you probably don't want to talk about why that happened and I won't make you. Just know I'm always here for you my Joshie. Even when you don't want me there I'll always be just a daydream away." Ian kisses his temple before asking if theres anything else Josh wants him to do. 

"Lay down with me?" the blue eyed man asked in a tone that would make one think of a small child. Ian gladly obliged with a smile and spooned his boyfriend nuzzling his face into his neck, giving him a light kiss that he knew made him squirm. Interlocking fingers with him and tracing the defined veins on the top of the singers hand with his thumb, Ian reminded him of how brave he was, he had gone through hell and back and still was able to bounce back to himself when it was all said and done. He admired that of him and made sure to remind his lover of that everyday. "Also, never forget Joshua Ramsay. I love you more than you could ever comprehend." he felt the singer chuckle under him.  
"Well I know I own your ass pal." Josh replied and turned to kiss him. "I love you too grill patch" he smiled once more before kissing him. Josh relaxed into the touch of his boyfriend, who was lightly rubbing his back. Tracing shapes, writing letters, song lyrics, or just drawing cool little designs until he could barely move. 

Ian fell asleep holding onto his boyfriend. His chin rested upon Josh's shoulder. Josh was almost asleep when he heard his phone go off once more. Completely forgetting what happened another wave of panic rushed over him. He opened up his messages once more to see his sister saying, "Mom's doing good, false alarm. In fact shes doing much better than before you left. Nothing to worry about after all bro :)" he let out a sigh of relief. He felt his boyfriend breathing against his back. Josh kissed his hand and immediately fell back into a peaceful sleep


End file.
